The Craziest Thing I Ever Saw

The craziest thing I ever saw happened as my husband and I were walking down a road in Railay Beach, Thailand. The sun was still high in the sky, but the rhythm of the town was already transitioning from day to night. The dilapidated road was bordered by recently closed shops on one side and the high fence of a ramshackle electrical station on the other. A woman was walking in front of us with a bag of take-out dangling from one hand; its plastic emitting a soft rustling as she swung it back and forth, back and forth. 

Suddenly, something dashed out and seized the bag. 

It took a moment to register exactly what it was – far too small to be human, but far too human to be animal. The woman didn’t quite register it either. She recoiled instinctively, pulling the bag with her. 

But the assailant refused to relinquish its grasp. 

A frenzied tug of war ensued – back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Just as I registered, she’s getting mugged by a monkey, the creature bared its sizable fangs and hissed. The woman squealed, let go and retreated. 

Jubilant, the monkey scrambled to the top of the wall, bag in hand. He sat down on the ledge, popped open the first styrofoam container and extracted a bun, which he greedily shoved into his mouth. The delightful morsel momentarily caused him to loosen his grip and the bag fell to the ground. 

Undeterred, he climbed down after it and made himself comfortable on the ground. He wasn’t concerned. After all, who would challenge his dominance? Certainly not these humans…

It was CRAZY. But it’s not the craziest thing I ever saw. This is: 

At that moment, the monkey reached into the bag and extracted a can of Coke with a straw already inserted. He ripped out the straw with his teeth and flicked it casually aside. Then he lifted the can to his lips, kicked his head back like the star of a simian Superbowl commercial, and chugged it down. 

CRAZIEST THING I EVER SAW.

And while I would give ANYTHING for footage of the actual mugging, I did capture this little gem:

Long live the Alpha.